How to Build Self-Confidence 2020 Guide
I remember once in primary school I was assigned the role of opening the musical act of my class by banging on a tambourine to a certain beat.
We had been practising for weeks and parents had been invited to watch.
As the date of the concert drew closer I became more and more afraid a feeling I couldn’t quite understand. Now that I am older I know it by its true name which is stage fright.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have the presence of mind to voice my fear out.
And also, unfortunately, no one noticed that I was nervous so on the day of the concert as I stared back at the sea of expectant faces in front of me I messed up.
That day my self-confidence took a server bashing. And I ran away from music and facing large groups of people.
Fast forward to many years later. This time I was assigned to read to a gathering. Again I felt this paralyzing fear and when I began to read my voice trembled but has I continued it eventually became steady and I finished.
Later I was approached by someone with experience who said “ you read well try not to be so nervous next time. You are ok.”
And I have never looked back since then. Do I still feel nervous when I have to face a crowd? Yes of course. But that initial boost of ( you are ok )a much-needed self-confidence lift has taken me far.
Confidence is a very powerful component of success. The more confident people are the once people look to when they want something done even if they are not the most capable people around.
Confident people tend to get promoted more on the job. Confident people sell more in a market.
So if for example, you have a better product but your neighbour or competitor has what we call “sweet mouth” he or she will outsell you.
Confident people are also usually more successful and that is not surprising because they believe they can get that job, project and dream done. So they go for it and most times achieve it.
They also easily get the respect of their peers, subordinates and superiors.
The confident guy or girl also usually gets a boyfriend or girlfriend and eventually a life partner of their choice.
So if you are not confident chances are that success in anything you do will be hard.
And if you observed from all I said so far it will impact all aspect of your life.
So how do you become more confident? Before diving into answering you need to understand what self-confidence is and also know what a self-confident person looks like.
What is self-confidence?
The dictionary defines self-confidence has a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.
So basically it’s a measure of how much you trust yourself. So how does one build trust? Think of all the people you trust and ask yourself why do you trust them?
The simplest answer to this is that they deliver consistently on their duties, promises or goals.
Now note that that delivery may not be perfect at the initial stage but the more they deliver the more you trust and if you also notice the quality of delivery also improves over time.
But if you stay the course it gets better as you gain a better understanding of what you are doing and you have support or you ask for advice and help.
So in other to build trusts in yourself, you must work consistently on your abilities, qualities and judgments.
What does a self-confident person look like anyway?
The following are the attributes you will find in a self-confident person and if you look carefully they align very well with the definition of a self-confident person.
- They are not afraid to stand alone(if necessary) in what they believe in
- They take risks (Mindset: I have never done this before but I am going do it and become a master at it)
- They admit to mistakes (that didn’t go well. I need to try again or try something else)
- They can accept criticism (They didn’t like the way I made soup. Let me go online and check for tips)
Now worthy of note is the fact that self-confident people can come in what I would like to call two distinct flavours hot or cool.
The hot ones are usually easy to spot. They have very lively or loud personalities. In a room full of people they hard to miss because they are doing the talking and leading conversations.
The cool ones are just that cool. They may rarely say a thing but when they start everyone stops to listen to them. They are calm and quiet.
But you can tell that they are very self-assured. So there no need to be loud to be self-confident especially if that is not in your personality.
So let’s look at some practical steps to grow in self -confidence
Face your inner critic
So the journey starts within you. You need to battle that inner voice that says you can’t. One way of doing this is by using affirmations: ‘I can do this!’ “I am strong’, ‘I can overcome.’ etc in my experience that I narrated above I got that affirmation from someone else. That works very well as well.
Note that speech is only one form of affirmation you can sing you can listen to music you can dance or watch a movie that encourages you.
Visualise yourself as a confident person
One of Henry Ford’s(founder of the ford motor company) most famous quote holds true here:
“If you think you can or you can’t you are right.
So see yourself as a confident person and you will become one.”
Act like a confident person
Fake it until you make it also works. So act confidently and the confidence will eventually become a reality.
Look and dress confidently
I’m sure you must have experienced it before that day when your dress code is spot on how did you feel? Great right? And your confidence level rose, even more, when people complimented you on how you looked. Looking smart and presentable boost confidence.
Exercise is a proven method of building confidence. Making the blood rush through your system tells your body that you are ready for action. After a good workout, you usually feel like you can take on the world. Try it. An amazing body is also a nice bonus too.
Grow in confidence by winning daily
How do you win daily? Start something that you will finish. For example, if you need to cook but you are worried and scared about it. You can start simply by creating a list.
That’s one aspect done. One small win. Starting and finishing something encourages you to do more and to take on more.
So if you are afraid of studying start by studying for only 5 minutes or 10 minutes and build from there.
If you are afraid of speaking to people start by speaking to yourself in a mirror and then to a brother or a sister and then to a friend and then to a group of your friends and so on.
Preparation boost self-confidence
Have an interview? Prepare for it. Have an exam? Read hard for it. Are you auditioning for an acting job or a dancing job the same thing. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare.
Become a master at the things you are good at
Research and find out how to do it better. The better you become at it the more confident you will be. Brian Tracy (Motivational speaker and self-development author) explains this elegantly in the video below.
Take risks/ take chances
One of my mentors started his success journey as a freelance writer. Initially, he said he struggled a lot. His inexperience applying for gigs was showing. So no one was giving him a chance.
But he kept at it. Then one day it happened he clinched a project but he knew nothing about it.
He said he had never worked that hard in his entire life. With his heart in his throat. He had to quickly do the research find out everything about the topic and then write about it.
He did a thorough job and spent hours with little or no sleep working on it.
he said he collapsed with relief when they accepted it and paid him.
Since then he has not looked back at times having a little courage and acting on it despite the fear you are feeling is what it takes to build self-confidence.
Graciously accepting criticism boost self-confidence:
if you get terrible feedback about something you did ask: how do I fix it or how can I do it better or can you show me what to do?
You will instantly feel better about yourself and you will gain the respect of the person giving you feedback and also you will learn or find a way of doing that thing better and it will boost your confidence.
And that’s it. Remember that confidence is a growing process and it will only grow if you work on it. Focus on improving yourself and the confidence will come as you get better.
So today what do you lack confidence in and how do you plan to go about fixing it?